Comment : Unimaginative, Obedient Clones?

Ah!... the Asian obsession with discipline. Its only necessary because Asians have failed to be guides and mentors to their children. Instead they would rather force them into the mould "that has been proven and tested" to produce mindless, unimaginative, obedient and (supposedly) respectful clones - (comment from a listener).

I agree. Mentoring is a key parenting responsibility. However, it is the "cart" which should be placed only once the "horse" is in place. A truly mentoring relationship assumes the following :

1. The mentoree (the one being mentored) is willing and committed to the mentoring process.
2. The mentor acts from a position of confidence and authority (not frustration and anger).
3. There is a framework by which consistent value-judgement decisions are made.

The above criteria can only be met if the child has been raised by parents who take an active leadership role in their lives (especially during the primary years of age 3-12). I do not believe in the tabula rasa philosophy where children are assumed to be fundamentally good. In fact, our instinctive experience shows otherwise i.e. more effort needs to be put in to train for good character while the default mode is one of deterioration. So, the early years of child rearing ought to be focused on building the right attitude of respect for authority. Think about it - the very basis of civilized living is based on respect. Respect for life. Respect for possession. Respect for property. Respect for teachers. The list goes on.

Does that mean the child then becomes unimaginative and mindless? On the contrary, an obedient child is a happy child. One who has been trained to live in right relationship with others will focus on a "responsibility" attitude rather than that of an "entitlement" mindset. However, we parents must be mindful not to equate authority with a show of force - abusive use of strength and threats are never justified.

What about creativity? Creativity works best when there is a strong value focus. Let's face it - even a bank robber needs creativity! But what distinguishes a robber from a donor? It is their value-judgement framework. This framework I believe is best built within a relationship of respect for authority structures. In other words, once the heart is in the right place, the skills of the hands find its rightful expression. Again, I cannot over-emphasize the need for a parent to be lovingly authoritative and authoritatively loving. To love without authority leads to permissiveness and to exercise authority without love leads to harshness.

In summary, the "cloning" process is vital if it is focused on building values and good character for this forms the foundation by which the exercise of the skills of creativity will find meaning, purpose and direction. Effective parenting at the end of the day is to set the heart of our child in the right place and when it is, then the mentoring experience becomes a pleasant one. To mentor well, we must first teach diligently. Any takers?